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Dentist Bad. Drugs Good.
by Tricia

Let's not beat around the bush. I am terrified of the dentist. Panic-attack terrified. I don't know what it is, because going to the orthodontist isn't really a problem, even though I'm pretty sure it's because of my childhood orthodontist that I have so much dental fear. It can't help that I have had so much work done on my teeth that I have a scar in the roof of my mouth from too many novicaine shots to count over the years. I have been going to the same dentist for the last five years or so, but he has never had to do any drilling on me. I've been fine with that. A while back (I'm not willing to admit how long ago) I noticed a small chunk missing out of my very back molar. I ignored it and proceeded to chew only on the other side of my mouth. Finally, last week I decided it was probably time to do something about it.

I called the dentist, made an appointment and proceeded to get sweaty-palmed and anxious. I had a nervous breakdown in a co-worker's office. Nothing like getting all snot-faced in front of your business manager. I went to the appointment and the dentist did an x-ray, which showed enough decay that he couldn't take care of it right then and there, which was fine with me because I was NOT mentally prepared to be drilled right then.

Though I kept the tears at bay while in the chair, when I walked back out to the reception desk and the receptionist (who is wonderful and is used to my freak-outs) I lost it. She asked when I wanted to schedule the work to be done and I just lost it. Luckily, she's seen me cry before and knows I just can't help it. We scheduled an appointment, and she had the dentist write a prescription for valium for me to take before the appointment.

I do not like to rely on drugs to make me normal. I hate the idea of having to take something to calm me down, but if it helps me get through the situation, why not give it a try, right? This morning I woke up an hour early and laid in bed trying to ignore my pounding heart until my alarm went off. I got ready for the day and before blow-drying my hair I took the valium. Within 10 minutes I started to feel weird. My limbs stopped responding to the commands my brain was sending them. I kind of felt like I was drunk - everything seemed to be liquid. I don't know how to explain it. But, I was so focused on thinking "Man, I feel WEIRD!" that I wasn't focusing on being scared of the looming appointment.

Scott got me into the car and we headed out. Once I got into the dentist's chair my heart started to pound quite a bit, and I had to hold back the tears, but I made it through. It actually didn't take him very long at all, and though it was uncomfortable, it didn't hurt. When I was all done, I went back up front where Scott and my friend the receptionist were waiting for me. I lost my shit a little bit then because I was just so overwhelmed and glad to be done. Scott helped me back out to the car and brought me home. After getting me settled on the couch, he headed back to work, which I intended to do around lunchtime.

That didn't happen - I woke up from a short nap around 11:30 to the phone ringing. I stumbled through the house to grab a phone (and of COURSE it was a sales call), realizing that my brain still wasn't working in tandem with my legs. I called in to work and let them know I wouldn't be coming in - I certainly don't want to be out driving if I can't even walk in a straight line. So, I'm feeling better now, but I'm just worn out from the whole ordeal. The tooth looks great (it used to have a silver filling, and now it just looks like a tooth) and I can't even tell by feeling that there's a filling there.

Jesus, I'm glad that's over. Now I just worry about getting the braces off and all the decay they are sure to find once they can actually SEE my teeth. Let's not think about that. *shudder*

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